Pumped up!

Five hours ago, I would've already felt that I had a lot to say on this post, but now....Whoa.

Yesterday was pump school, part one.  Katie from Medtronic walked us, and two other families, through why a pump helps you better regulate your blood sugars.  We loved Katie because of her name, because she has the same birthday and because she was awesome.  The class was a lot of review, but learned a lot about some other cool features of the pump.

Things like different type of bolus'.  A bolus is a dose of insulin.  The pump has three different ways to provide the bolus...immediate, arced (starts low goes high goes low again) or square (prolonged distribution of insulin).

There are things like patterns -- if you always go low at Grammy's house (yeah, right! cookies everywhere!) you can set a pattern that changes the way your insulin is dosed without having to reprogram everything when you go and when you come back.

And you can set basal insulin (the stuff you need all day long) and your short acting insulin (with food or to correct a high) to be at different rates at different times ... as much as a new rate each hour.

Pump installation was easy breezy.  Didn't hurt Hannah -- though there was a lot of nervous energy.  And by a lot, I really mean a lot.  And we walked out with a practice pump that's dosing saline so she can practice.  Which is cool.  Less cool was the fact that alarms reminding us to test were going off all night that we didn't set, didn't know how to stop and don't know how to turn off for tonight.  Good times.

We asked Katie if there was any chance of getting a pump before their birthday: May 18.  She kind of grimaced and said maaaaaaaaaybe.  Which was great....we knew inside of a month we'd have the pump.  I filled out the little bit of paperwork she needed to get going, emailed her a blood sugar log this morning and thanked her.

So imagine my surprise when I got home after lunch to pick Cody up for the orthodontist and Medtronic called.  Michelle was telling me that before she put my pump in the mail today......  WAIT?, WHAT?!?!?!?!

Yep.  Katie the awesome somehow pushed through getting prescriptions in order, insurance processed and approved and had Michelle calling me at 1.  We walked through colors for the pump and the sites (two different lengths of cording to give Hannah options with what she's wearing).  We walked through resources online and what would be coming in our magical box.  And best of all, we learned the pump will be 100% covered, as will all the supplies.  <<insert actual weeping with joy here.>>  As if that wasn't enough, we'll be getting a continuous glucose monitor that will make things even easier and better for us in the long haul.  That slows down insurance, so they held off on that piece in order to get the pump here.  If Katie and Michelle are representative of Medtronic, I'm in love.

The pump should arrive on Tuesday.  We'll go to pump school part two on Wednesday.  We'll be on the DL, because the other boys won't have their pumps yet.  But on Tuesday, we'll schedule a 1-1 with Katie to get her pump all set up.  We could be using it by the weekend.  Honestly, I'm a bit beyond words.

In other news, Cody's had an awesome week.  His student led conference was fantastic.  He's rocking straight As.  And he has just been really, really awesome since this has all gone down.  The ortho appts went well.  Hannah got a pass (amen.  She did say "Mom, you don't think I would have bad enough luck to get diabetes AND braces do you??") and looks like she won't need correction at all.  Cody needs correction and will spend a year in braces.  Thankfully not horrible stuff, just stuff that needs to get fixed.  No headgear.  Whew. And, he can still eat apples.  Which, as those of you who know us well know, is one of about 6 foods Cody eats.

All in all, a simply awesome day....

Yes!

More later, but, someone we know and love is wearing one of these right now....

Easier to get into the Kremlin

Should you ever find yourself completing paperwork for diabetes camp, I suggest you arm yourself with:

1. A doctor
2. A lawyer
3. A brand new pen
4. A notary
5. A copy machine
6. A very generous glass of wine

Mercy.

In case you're keeping track...

...there is only one more sleep til pump school. That might be causing a certain sweet girl to nearly lose her mind with excitement.

Take a chance on me...

So when it is sunny and 70 and your friends are over, and you're dancing and singing your noisy little hearts out to the Mamma Mia soundtrack, you might just forget that you're a diabetic.

Blood sugar = 58.

A day full of new adventures and struggles

Today was a crazy, fun, incredibly full day.

We started with breakfast at Knapps and navigated restaurant food and estimating carbs.   Hannah had pancakes and bacon and hot chocolate with whipped cream.  And we even ran in to Dad and Tara at Knapps!

It would be hard to be a complete type A with diabetes. The inclination is totally there -- wanting to get the sugars right and get the insulin right. But it's really inexact at times.  There is guessing and estimating and hoping involved in calculating carbs.  How much of that 1/4 cup of syrup did you eat?  Well, we asked for 4 inch pancakes, but those are more like 6-7....how the #$(& many carbs do we think are in THERE???  Thank goodness for bacon.  It's zero.

Hannah (and Daisy, too!) walked with 4H.  Cody, Hanna, Tim and Evan walked with the band. The sun was out, it was beautiful.  We got to visit with the Barkers and the Jaasko-Fishers, and sat with the Wroes, Jeff and April and Jenn.  And, I think, saw everyone else in town that we knew.

From the parade to the Jensens for lunch and playing.  From the Jensens to the Barkers for a pool party and dinner and playing.

Which sounds great, and for the most part it was.  Except when you have a new diabetic who is overwhelmed when food is about.  And there was food everywhere. All day.  The other kids can endlessly graze and munch and don't have to think twice.  Not quite so for Hannah.

On the bright side, she takes her sadness well, choosing to remove herself from the situation, rather than melting down.  But it's hard.  It's hard to watch it happening and not be able to fix it.  It's hard to work through the tears afterward.  It's hard because selfishly, I too, wanted to visit with my friends.

I know it will get easier, but Han and I are both feeling kind of sad tonight -- having left Cody and all else at the party.  We talked a lot about how to learn to be ok around food, so that we don't miss fun times.  I'm not sure that Hannah see's that as possible right now. Just going to take some time...

Survived...

We all managed to survive the first post-diabetic work trip.  Thank goodness for cell phones, patience and two nights of sleep.

Hannah was NOT HAPPY about the work trip.  Clingy, weepy, whiny as I was trying to get out the door.  The trick with her is that she is good at turning on the drama.  What's for real? What's for show and influence?  Who knows...not me for certain....most days, anyway.  I was pretty giddy at the thought of not one but two consecutive nights of sleep.  Crazy hotel aside, sleep was delicious.

Once we got through the first day, things got a bit better.  And she did well with both Heather and Heidi helping with dinner and assisting with shots.  Once she knew I was on my way home, it was a pretty constant plea to just.get.home.as.fast.as.I.could.  But of course once I was here, she wanted to stay at Anna's house for a bit longer.  After my eyes rolled back into my head at the ridiculousness of her at times, I thanked my lucky stars for an hour of quiet, in my home, alone.  Something that has happened precious little in the last 6 weeks.

Tonight brings Anna and Hannah playing and giving Daisy a bath, so she (Daisy) is presentable for the parade.  Tomorrow, Cody's marching with the band and Hannah and Daisy are marching with 4H.  And then a day playdates, barbeques and new experiences.  Hannah is still pretty reticent to eat away from home.  Which is equally understood and exhausting.  Crossing fingers and toes for a good day.

Walking for a cure. Join us?

May 12 we will be at Cheney Stadium for the JDRF walk. JDRF= juvenile diabetes research fund. You can walk for free, and you don't have to fundraise. We would love to have you join our team. More info here. So far we have raised over $1000. You don't have to donate of course, but if you'd like to support us? We would be thankful. Seriously, more than anything this event is a show of support for those with diabetes. And would we ever love to have you join us for a flat leisurely 5k-ish walk. Not timed. A stroll really.

Work trip + Diabetes = crazy

The day that we went into the ER, I was a actually headed to Portland after the appointment, which obviouslly didn't happen. I had a trip scheduled for that week and the next, the final two weeks of travel in a six week push since my job duties changed. Those trips thankfully rescheduled into one three day stint to Portland this week. Now, being divorced a work trip always requires additinal planning. Jim is great about making it work so the kids can stay there, but it requires a lot of planning and communication with him and with the kids. Add diabetes to the mix? Ahahahahah!!! Aside from all the normal prep like making sure dad knows what is on tap for the week, figuring out who is getting kids to activities and where do they go after school and getting the dog to the other house and making sure the kids know the frill for each day,there were new things to do. And for kicks, Cody started track this week so we've got a whole new schedule in general. Is the insulin bag stocked well enough to last three days? Let the teachers know they can call me but I'm not close. Since Jim is in Seattle, give them a name of someone in Tacoma they can call if needed. Talk to HW about feeding Hannah and checking insulin when she picks up Hannah and Daisy for dog training. Thankfully she is familiar with diabetes, so I just have to send her carb ratio and sliding scale. Talk to neighbors about after school care for Thursday, including what to do for snack and for dinner and what to do if something goes amiss. Make sure she knows the drill with food and do a crash course on sliding scales and carb ratios. Make sure dad know how to send lunch information to school. I'd been on the road for a half hour before the first call came. Yes Cody, just like we talked about six times, your concussion form is in your backpack. (Iinside voice: looking in your backpack first to doublecheck IS an option.) Next call an hour later from a hungry diabetic. Reprieve til lunch time text messages, and then the afternoon calls began, 2 from each kid, once they got home. We navigate snacks, review plans, discuss whether the leaky sink was the same trickle I'd been seeing upon turning on the water or whether my house was likely to be flooded upon my return. To be honest, I do not have clarity on that last question. And with that we've made it through day one. Two more to go.

Does a sketchy druggy live here?

Cody came home Monday, bellowing "Mom!!!  There are needles EVERYWHERE on our sidewalk!!!"

Yep, Hannah's bag was unzipped and she was dropping needles half a block up.  Once can only hope it discouraged rather than encouraged anyone coming to look at the two houses next door that are for sale...

ZERO!

Life suddenly looks better when you find whipped cream with zero carbs.  Thank you, Land Of Lakes, for making it.  Thank you, Costco, for carrying it.

The good. The awesome. The awesomest.

Thursday was such a good day!  We had our second clinic appointment with Dr. Marshall, our endocrinologist, and Janet, our educator.  Lovely people.

The good:

• Hannah has steadily gained her weight back.
• Her A1C number dropped significantly, though it still has a ways to go.  Blood has history (who knew?), and the A1C measures a 3 month average of something or other.  We were over 14 at the hospital, 10ish this week and want to be around 6-8.  Progress.
• Her blood sugars are moving in the right direction.
• Hannah's attitude and approach is awesome.

The awesome:

• We're signed up for pump school on the 25th.  
• We're signed up for pump school on the 25th.  
• We're signed up for pump school on the 25th.  

Um, yeah.  So pretty much Hannah was delirious at this news.  We'll go to class for a couple of hours and walk out with a pump -- that is pumping saline.  This lets us practice with installing connection sites, our new glucometer (blood sugar checking machine), and practice administering "insulin" that is really water. This gives her a chance not only to learn, but to make sure that she's comfortable having the equipment...approximately the size of a cell phone, always attached to her.  Some kids don't dig it.  I'm hoping she likes it as much as she hopes. That will begin the dance with insurance to get this heinously expensive piece of machinery on the way to our house. Then we go back to pump school the next week and wait for our pump to show up.

The awesomest:

• Having a pump moves us from 2 insulins to 1 insulin.
• Having a pump moves us from about 2200 shots a year to about 220...and yes, we are BOTH pretty delirious about this news.
• Dr. Marshall introduced us to Grace, another awesome 5th grader rocking T1D.  Emails exchanged, friendship begins....

This weekend, I face down the big giant ugly box of diabetes paraphernalia that I've been hiding in the bathtub upstairs as to not have to face it.  It must be done.  To counterbalance that barfy task, I spent last night buying some flowers and yard work stuff and am giving myself 4 hours in the sun. Was so excited last night, I gardened til 9 via the yard light.  Total bliss.

Adjustment...

In some ways, diabetes is a return to the types of questions and uncertainty of parenting that surrounded our divorce.

If Hannah has a meltdown - to what degree is it because of or excused by diabetes?  How soon should we expect certain things of her?  How do we parent so that Hannah does not find diabetes to be her fail-proof trump card in any situation? How do we coach her to be stronger rather than fall victim to what's going on -- but still have empathy and be present with what she is feeling? How do we keep Cody from becoming the lost child? And how do we manage this across two houses, with grace.

All things considered, we're all doing so well.  But the questions and the uncertainty and the newness and constant evolution of it all is wearing me thin.  When I listen to parents of T1D kids saying it'll level in a year, I lose my breath and have a silent panic attack -- not entirely sure I can make it through the day. The constant focus and attention on just executing our day - 3 meals, 1 snack, school, homework, basic activities, bathing (sometimes), bedtime...I know [I KNOW!!!] it will calm and gradually get better.  In a month this will be easier and in two months even more so.  But as I face down the reality that we've really just begun...that I haven't read more than 2 chapters of a book on diabetes...that I'm so upside down at work that I feel ill, that we're just moving out of crisis mode and into trying to find our way.....I wonder where the strength comes from.  How stuff gets done.  How I think about things beyond the rote mechanics of feeding Hannah and managing her blood sugar and begin to see progress in other areas too.

It's all a very, very odd place to be.

Calm week? Ahahahahaha.....

A girl can dream....right?!? Monday was spent texting and talking to Hannah, whose stomach was in agony. Flu? Something else? Gah. Who knows. Finally gave up and left work at lunch and pulled her from school. Diabetes changes everything...or at the very least changes my confidence about some aspects of parenting. Who knows what was up. But Hannah didn't feel good which then led to speculation that she would throw up, which typically leads to a one way pass to the er. Stressed out little pumpkin and a puzzled mama. Tuesday...it'll be calm right? Bahahaha. The call came in at 930. The diabetes bag was MIA. Maybe locked in dad's car at the dome, while he is in Seattle. Maybe at home. No nurse which meant our backup insulin couldn't be used. I've only been at work 2.5 hours today before I'm facing a trip home. Thank goodness for good friends, who are willing to break into your house and doubled check ... And then deliver found bag to school. With any luck, lessons were learned about double checking for the presence of the magical bag. Seriously...I think we are due for some luck!!!! High hopes for Wednesday, people. High hopes....

Shots for everyone....

Cody has been a somewhat innocent bystander since team diabetes came to town. But tonight, he got some skin in the game, literally. I needed him to know how to give a shot should he need to. And I needed him to know what shots feel like. So Cody gave Hannah her insulin tonight. And Hannah got to give Cody some saline in the gut. Was a bit tricky finding a place to pinch as his body fat is low, but we did it. 😄 This will likely be an annual refresher for him....very unlikely he will ever have to give a shot, but he has to know how in case she crashes. Feels good to have one more lesson learned. and as Hannah reminds me every 5 minutes, we are one day closer to clinic...

Easter Bunny Rocks

Heaven only knew how the Easter Bunny would handle Easter. Tuns out, brilliantly.

EB left eggs filled with coins. Zero carbs, FYI. And, candy left was clearly marked.

Feeling thankful again today for a sense of normalcy.

Still all over the map...

We're still finding Han's blood sugars are high and all over the map.  She's having some that are "normal range" but it seems that is in the minority.  It's hard to know if that is expected or unexpected, so we just take it as it comes and go from there.  There is something called a brittle diabetic - one who's blood sugars are all over the map and unpredictable.  Crossing fingers, toes and anything else that can cross that we are not that more complicated type of diabetic.

On the docket today...sign up for Panther Camp -- a week long day camp for diabetic kids.  Where everyone is checking blood sugar and everyone counts carbs.  And everyone feels normal.  Heart officially broken that we have to go to camp to feel normal....

DAISY!

When your dog finds and eats your carefully and precisely measured and baked toll house chocolate chip cookies, with the exact carbs known... When that happens...  You will cry.  No question about it.

What? I'm cute! I'd never do anything bad....

Almost like before...

Today we had a slow start...took the day off to hang with Hannah.  Cody (remember him??) is out at Grammy and Bumpa's working on a project, so we had girl time.  Nice.

Nice and getting better.  The girls came over, with their dolls and a day of playing ensued.  And laughter. And singing. And dancing. And ridiculousness.

We ventured out to dinner and dessert, and managed the carb counting and all that goes with it.  Love those ridiculous girls...

And then a sleepover with Emily.  Short of a 2 am blood check, it was like before.  Which was good for Hannah.  And good for her friends.  And good for me.

A friend is a beautiful thing..

Hannah and Aly

Such a good day! SUCH A GOOD DAY!!!

The perfect antidote to saying goodbye to Grammy and Bumpa was an afternoon with Aly - the friend we met at the clinic.  We had lunch at Red Robin.  There was almost excitement to check blood and give insulin, since it wasn't by herself.  We even conquered a milkshake...

Off to the mall for some fun browsing, and the procurement of BFF necklaces.  Important stuff.

And then we went off to Aly's house to play.  The girls were just so happy.  Loved it.  Even better, we got to see Aly do a site change for her pump.  And that was the best gift ever...in that it wasn't so bad.  Not too bad to install, not too bad to receive. Hannah is excited -- even more so -- to receive the pump.  She's ever hopeful that there will be good news at our next clinic appointment on the 12th.

An afternoon of playing and giggling and plotting and planning for future fun.  So nice.

The party must go on....

Who doesn't love an April Fool's Day St. Patrick's Day Party?!?!?

Hannah helps our littlest pinata basher, Koa!

When you already have 70lbs of corned beef and a full case of potatoes in your garage, never mind the fact that your kids harass you daily about when THE PARTY will be, you find a way to throw the party. Even if you're tired.  Even if the weather is sketchy.  Even if you've been at a dead run.  Even if your house is messy.  Even if it's spring break AND april fool's day.

And party we did...   Somehow, the house got cleaned. The crock pots showed up.  The food got made. The yard got straightened. The pinata got hung.  The beer got iced.  I got showered. The green croquet jacket was located.  Green shirts were donned.  People showed up.  Food was eaten.  The weather held.  A good time was had.

Hannah even decided to spend the night at Jim's that night.  Which mean, for the first time since March 13, I slept through the night.  I'm pretty sure I was asleep before the last people turned off my street....