So many firsts...

Was a good and big week, full of lots of firsts.

First day staying home alone -- responsible for meals, blood checking on her own.

• Lesson learned: we check blood when we wake up, even if we're not hungry. 

First major holiday -- requisite buffet of food included.

• Lesson learned:  parties are fun again.  thank heavens.

First real exertion -- the water park!

• Lesson learned:  we start with a high blood sugar, not an on target blood sugar.  We don't do any insulin while we're out playing and aim to keep bs between 140-200.

Holy smokes, we're rocking it.

Is there a specific reason I have to come home tomorrow?

Not me. Hannah.

Sounds like the day was awesome. Tim and Heather are doing great and the girls are having a blast. Evidence below....

Sigh of relief. Officially breathed.

It's a big week....

One of the realities is that I need to get brave, and get our friends comfortable with having Hannah over.  And it's not that I haven't been brave.  I have been ridiculously brave.  When I hear stories of other families I realize I've been a real champ in moving us through this.  Stories of families that stayed with 2 am checks for years.  Families who didn't go out to eat for the first year.  Families who didn't leave their child with anyone for years.  The weight of not having options for her (or having all options be with me (or Jim)) is too much. I need her life to get back to normal, where she goes to play and to sleepover.  But more than what I need, she needs it. It's kind of the final frontier in this initial transition to diabetes

So, last night she spent the night with Hanna.  This is actually the second time....Heather and Eric both grew up around diabetes and they're really comfortable with it, which makes me comfortable.

But tomorrow, she spends the day, the night, and the whole next day with Sarah, Emily and Auntie Heather.  She's excited.  I'm excited.  I hope they're not petrified :)

It's really hard to know how much to say, how to prepare them.  Carb counting, obviously.  Hannah can manage her pump.  I've decided that I'm leaving it at how to count carbs, at what point to call me, and what to do if she crashes.  The crashing....it's so unlikely.  But it could happen and they have to know what to do. (Juice or Sugar if she's conscious, Glucagon injection/911 if she's not).

I just keep reminding myself that the most likely outcome is that she goes high from conservative carb counting (which happens to everyone) and that I can talk her through anything else....because I am AWESOME.  :) ahahahahha.  Or at least because I know some stuff after three months of these shenanigans.

And we're off.....

Sticky...

Who knew?  There is a product made to go over your site that extends the stickyness so it won't fall off so easy.

And it's covered by insurance.

And the AWESOME AMAZING people at Medtronic will send it UPS.  I love them.

Without words.

Sometimes, I feel without words, but then I find them.  At least in writing.  But since we got the pump, I've really been without them.  Completely unable to find them. Not entirely sure I've found them still, but don't want too much time to pass in case I forget....apologies in advance for what is sure to be a jumbled mishmosh of words.

Turning the pump on was equally liberating and terrifying.  There were some things about using the pump that I didn't understand, in terms of how tightly we would be able to control blood sugar.  The device is intuitive but extremely complex. We had near perfect blood sugars for the first two days... between 85 and 100.  No shots was (is) bliss.

We turned on the pump on Tuesday and we had our next check up on Thursday for a site change and some adjustments...though her blood sugars were great and level, they were on the low side. So we tweaked her carb ratio to increase her sugars slightly.  So nothing was amiss on Friday when her sugars were higher -- though they were higher than I expected.

The pump makes you brave with food -- it's easier to eat different things, and eat more naturally.  New foods (new carb foods) were unknowns.  So nothing was unexpected when her blood sugars coasted higher.

By 2 am, we were above 300.  We talked strategy, checked ketones (negative) decided to bolus (give insulin) and regroup in the morning.  By morning she had climbed about 370.  No ketones (whew).  Decided to change site. Just as we were finishing this, Hannah said she didn't feel well.  She passed out and hit her head twice on the way done.

My instinct was to give her juice -- she had a sip before I snapped back and remembered we were dealing with a high.  It just happened so fast.  Quickly gave her a large dose of insulin to bring her back in range.  The nurse and later the doc said juice was still the right instinct...while highs are a drag, it's severe lows that are the danger.  We spent the next day and a half trying to right her blood sugar.

Unnerving.  When her sugars started to bounce back up, Hannah and I both were starting to wonder if we'd made a good decision about going on pump.

We've had a bit of trouble with the pump staying connected.  Fell out a few nights later while she slept, though I think we caught it fast.  Fell out on the last day of school. Thankfully Han is a trouper with site  changes.

Yesterday took the cake in terms of weird.  Han was at Jim's and called because they were having issues with the site change.  The pump didn't seem to be working correctly with refilling canister.  We talked through it, and then decided site was set and we should be fine.  She climbed all day, apparently, and called when she was over 400.  Went to change out the canister of insulin....and it was EMPTY.  No wetness anywhere.  No alarm about low insulin.  No clue what happened.  Ah well, she survived.  Just crazy, crazy, crazy sometimes.

The pump makes this so much easier, but in some ways it is complicated.  Easier to forget.  More control with Hannah, trickier to oversee.  Frustrating in that much of the learning just takes time.  Patience....never my long suit.

We're done with school now.  For the first time, I don't have a plan.  I've got the kids (mostly) covered for 2 weeks, and then no plan.  It leaves me with a vomitous feeling. And yet, I can't figure out what to do. Diabetes really forces you to stay in the moment, and I can surrender to that....but it also leaves me with an underlying tension. I can't seem to work more than 24 hours in advance.  I'm sure it'll sort out and be fine, but the tension is wearing me thin.

More to come, enough for now.

Diabetes Education. Fail.

We of no free time sat down to do our diabetes education online this afternoon, only to find the classes unavailable.  Of course.  So we went old school and worked through the books.  Most of it was review... though there are more courses online that we'll get to complete.  Thankfully, lots of review, with a few new things thrown in.

On the bright side, Medtronic has a 24 hour support system -- and man, were they ever friendly and helpful.  Someday, I think I'd like to work for them.  The people are freaking incredible.

Tomorrow we begin our pump appointments.  Amen.

It is almost time....

Hard to believe that it is almost time to get set up with the pump. Crazy. Nurse is prepped. Teacher is prepped. Support team at school is prepped. With what I know now anyway. Next week brings hours and hours of doc appointments on Monday Tuesday and Thursday. As happy as I am to be moving away from shots, I'd be lying if I didn't say that part of me laments moving away from what feels comfortable back into the chaos of weird blood sugars and unknowing. Because let's be clear, there is still plenty of unknowing to go around right now. Back to 2 am blood checks and learning how the body is going to respond to insulin drip rather than a single dose of 24 hour insulin. Learning her reactions to different types of carbs so we can bolus (give insulin) correctly. Learning to finesse the pump...supercomputer that it is. They call the kind of diabetes management we have been doing a poor man's pump. It's simple and rudimentary,imperfect but gets the job done. Her diabetes management will be so much better with the pump but it is so advanced. I'm us we will learn it quickly, but for now, it is feeling a little bit crazy. So tired of shots...but they're known and comfortable. This weekend...lots of online learning...classes we have to complete before we go to our appt on Monday.